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| Time: | 1:47 am. |
| Mood: |  amused. |
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I see: my computer
I need: a good laugh
I find: stupid things funny
I want: to go and party
I wish: Mike was here(teehee)
I love: many people
I hate: late night TV
I miss: matt
I fear: car wrecks
I feel: my hair(im playing with it)
I hear: the tv
I smell: lucky brand
I crave: a glass of milk
I search: for matts cell number(damnit where did i put it!!)
I wonder: what me jen and jes are gonna do for the 4th
I regret: nothing
When was the last time you ...
Smiled?: a few secs ago
Laughed?: tonight at the moives
Cried?: this afternoon
Bought something?: today some new lip stuff
Danced?: tonight standing up in jennys sun roof of her new ford z-x2
Were sarcastic?: i dont remember
Kissed someone?: i dont remember
Talked to an ex?: a couple weeks ago on jessies cell
Watched your favorite movie?: yesterday
Had a nightmare?: last night
A Last time for everything.......
Last book you read:Harry Potter
Last movie you saw: Evoultion with Jen Jes BJ Andy and some Chad dude
Last song you heard: Gorillaz-Clint Eastwood
Last thing you had to drink: mountian dew
Last time you showered: friday(i was gonna take one today and jen called and asked me to the movies)
Last thing you ate: french fries at backyard burgers
Do You...
Smoke?: smoke what??
Do drugs?: weed isnt a drug
Have sex?: no
Sleep with stuffed animals?: yep my Monkees bear
Live in the moment?: i suppose so
Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: nope
Have a dream that keeps coming back?: Yes
Play an instrument?: yeah
Believe there is life on other planets?: yes
Remember your first love?: nah
Still love him/her?: nah
Read the newspaper?: nope
Have any gay or lesbian friends?: nope
Believe in miracles?: nope
Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: depends what im being faithful to
Consider yourself tolerant of others?: nope only my good friends
Consider love a mistake?: i dont know
Like the taste of alcohol?: depends what it is..mmmmmm....mudslides
Have a favorite candy?: yeah snickers
Believe in astrology?: yes
Believe in magic?: yep
Believe in God?: no
Pray?: no
Go to church?: no
Have any secrets?: yes
Have any pets: yeah mindy snowflake and the evil one...whatever her name is
Do well in school?: in certain classes
Go to or plan to go to college?: some art school or what not
Have a major?: either fashion or photography
Talk to strangers who instant message you?: if there hot
Wear hats?:yep my hard rock hat
Have any piercings?: nope but i want my tounge pierced
Have any tattoos? : no but i want a sun one
Hate yourself?: i suppose
Have an obsession? i dont know i guess
Have a secret crush?: nah
Do they know yet?: my 2 main crushes are my 2 bestfriends so i tell them all
Collect anything?: CDS
Have a best friend?: yeah i got a couple,tracy, jen, matt and nick
Wish on stars?: yes
Like your handwriting?: yeah its cool
Have any bad habits?: no
Care about looks?: yeah who doesnt
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(1 Wish | I wish Mike was here)
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Wednesday, May 23rd, 2001
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| Time: | 4:27 pm. |
| Mood: |  confused. |
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Dear dairy...
I'm writing in your bull shit pages cos my shrink is crazier than I am
he thinks your therapy..he figures if two babys can hammer me into a psychoward what do I do with this..
hes so stupid
he so stupid he thinks he pulled me through the break down when it was Christy always Chris
*********************************************************************************
God i love that moive...what dreams may come..
Today was gay...3 classes....2 hours each...im glad schools almost out..im sick and tired of this bull shit..
Im losing trust in my friends. The ones that i thought i could trust i dont anymore. There so stupid. None of them i can trust. I think they dont lie to me and that i can trust them but when it comes down to it, I dont know anymore. I have trust issues. If i cant trust a friend I'm not to sure that I want to still talk to them or muchless be friends with them. Things bug me that shouldnt. I think sometimes that it would be so much easier if i wasnt alive. Life would work out if i kept to myself. Maybe thats what i need is to keep to myself. Sometimes i wish people could see it from the other side of the grass. Where its not as green there as it is on there side.
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(I wish Mike was here)
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Drops of Jupiter
Now that she's back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there's time to change, hey, hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey
Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated
Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking at yourself out there
Now that she's back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey
She checks out Mozart while she does tae-bo
Reminds me that there's time to grow, hey, hey
Now that she's back in the atmosphere
I'm afraid that she might think of me as plain ol' Jane
Told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land
Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the Milky Way
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind
Was it everything you wanted to find
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there
Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you even when I know you're wrong
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me
Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back toward the Milky Way
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Motivation Proclamation
Spend your lazy, endless crazy days inside my head,
You're so selfish, you're not the only on who thinks he's dead,
I'm paid to smile, now I'm on trial for what you think I said,?
'Cause I never said that everything would be ok,
And I never said that we would live to see another day,
Motivate me,
I wanna get myself out of this bed,
Captivate me,
I want good thoughts inside of my head,
When I fall down would you come around and pick me right up off the ground,
I'm un-artistic, unrealistic, you say I'm selfish and absurd,
You try to change me, you try to save, you say I'm gonna learn,
I'm so blind,
I'm out of time you're so unkind sometimes,
I never lied,I never lied
Cause everything it'll be ok,
You know we're gonna live to see another day,
Yeah yeah
Motivate me yeah,
Motivate me yeah.
willl someone please motivate me!?!?!
grrrrrr........
watching sexy mark makes me a little happier..man i would jump his bones...opps my bad..i didn't mean that...or did i...yes i did....ohh yes i did....man now all guys need to look like him...teehee....i need someone new to go with me to tracys party...
and to nick and only nick...sorry about early...i wasn't mad at you i promise..i just was hopping you would be able to go Friday...maybe some other time :)
and by the way those lyrics are to my two fav songs..
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(I wish Mike was here)
| Time: | 6:33 pm. |
| Mood: |  indescribable. |
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why do people tell you there sorry?? sorry is just what people tell you when they dont care when they think your crazy. Im sorry you hate your life....im sorry everyone pisses you off...im sorry you have thought about killing yourself...yea like that really help someone...the person you tell im sorry to thinks you dont care and that you think there crazy..
why bother trying to open up to someone who doesnt gives a rat ass about you?? who are always happy....its all screwed up....
im just like everyone else i want to be loved by someone and for someone to say they care for me...
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(2 Wishes | I wish Mike was here)
| Time: | 4:55 pm. |
| Mood: | indescribable. |
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Captivate me......motivate me....i never said that we would live to see another day...motivate me...i get me out of this bed....i love good charlotte...plus the lead singer is hotter than hell...this song is my song of the day...it fits me today...man i didnt want to wake up this moring...i wanted to sleep...3 1/2 days left of this hell they call school than i can stay home and sleep all summer...we only have 3 class 2morrow...eachone 2 hours each or something like that...2 damn hours in mr.reeves fucking class!! damnit...i hate the class and the people in the damn class..hmmm..note to self...bring cd player 2morrow...i want to be left alone...damn how fucking hard is that!?!? crystal is the one who wont leave me the hell alone about tracys "party" friday night...i dont give a shit what we do...damn bitch....im just going if even that...damn hair!! ahhhh.....i want to shave my damn head!! stupid thing....ahhhh....grrr..
when you look at tell me what do you see this is what you get this is the way i am!!hmmm...very true very true...
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(I wish Mike was here)
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wrote matt a letter last night...
matty
i was gonna call and tell you this but i think its to late
i just wanna say i have been thinking about stuff and since school is gonna be out soon i wanna say this or something.....i really dont think i give you enough credit for what you do for me....youve stood up for me when no one else would and have been someone to talk to when i didnt think i could trust anyone...and i just want to tell you that im sorry for all the times i have ever doubted you or made you mad at me or yelled at you....it was my own stupidty for that....youve never giving me a good enough reason for me to do any of that to you...and i want everything to be different...i know you know me pretty good(cos i talk a lot:)) but i dont think i know you all that good and stuff....and i know that it'll take time for us to get to that point but atless i wanna try....
He said that he thought the letter was "sweet of me"...then i find out he as a girlfriend....day falls off a bridge....find out zach got a girlfriend...my day is now drowning...matt tells me he is going to fuck this girl....my day is now dead and gone...my day feels like a waste of time....fuck everything...whatever
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(I wish Mike was here)
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sleep could be a good thing right now...hmmmm....screw it im going to bed or something like that stupid matt i'll just talk to him first hour or something....
if people dont like what i say in this journal thing they dont have to read it i dont care...i dont tell all my deep secerts to a journal(thats why tracy and matt are here)...this is something for me to have fun with if you wanna know the inner me....deep down inside talk to matt or tracy or try talking to me....it helps or something..
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(I wish Mike was here)
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man im getting mad...my bro is in our bathroom!! ahh...hahaha...oh darn whatever..
i need to get a disposable camera for the last week of school....man i cant believe the year is almost done...its crazy talk...ahhhhh...crazy
mary jane-its a special kind of stupid
teehee
thought i would add that little known fact
i cleaned my room...woohoo...but how long will it be clean?? haha i actually put all of my shoes along the wall...hahaha
welll my bro is out...
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(I wish Mike was here)
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its sunday the gayest day of the week...they should just take this day out...grrrr...stupid day....oh darn..everyone is home on sunday...im thinking of something to do or someone to call...i think matts at work....nick is probaly sleeping...tracys mom has there cell phone so cant call her...jen is boring to talk to on the phone...zach nah i dont have anything to say to him...crystal is mad at me or something...hmmm...i guess ill just stay on aol somemore...woohoo...
i have spent most of my time looking at rainbow brite stuff and hello kitty stuff....teehee...
nick sent me this audio clip of his little nephew talking to me...he sounded soo cute...ahh...just like his uncle hahaha
people just being pisses me off...certain people shouldnt be here shouldnt be around me!! ahhh!! make it go away!! hahahaha
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(I wish Mike was here)
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i went over to tracys last night like i do every weekend..we went to wally world and got this stuff to make lip gloss with it was funny tracy had it all over her...hahahaha
tracy has the house to herself today monday and tuesday!! woohoo i think im gonna ask nick or zach if they wanna go over there...
me and tracy did see zach luke and chris sat night and that worked good for me :)
i bought some cool beads today there fun to play with...teehee...i made 2 necklaces one thats says mary fo tracy and one that said jane for me...
the one and only mary and jane ;)
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(I wish Mike was here)
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haha people had togas on today and nicks bro chris looked very nice today...grrrr...haha
nicks telling about his cute nephew austin..
This is NickQ [9:40 PM]:i'm at my dad's house. my nephew is here with me
JustLilDevilGirl [9:40 PM]:ohh hi nicks nephew
This is NickQ [9:40 PM]: he says hi, his name is Austin.
JustLilDevilGirl [9:40 PM]:how old is he?
This is NickQ [9:40 PM]:he is 5
JustLilDevilGirl [9:41 PM]:ahh how cute
JustLilDevilGirl [9:41 PM]:so what are you up to?
This is NickQ [9:41 PM]:he's my buddy
JustLilDevilGirl [9:41 PM]:thats soo cute
This is NickQ [9:42 PM]:we played basketball today, and played catch, and swung on the swings
JustLilDevilGirl [9:43 PM]:how sweet
This is NickQ [9:43 PM]:he says cool ever time someone instant messages me
This is NickQ [9:48 PM]:austin
This is NickQ [9:48 PM]:austin typed that for you
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thats soo cute...ahhh...nicks such a sweet guy...
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(I wish Mike was here)
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cake is good....cake is sweet!! hahaha....we made cake today it was hella cool..matt had a piece..i always give him some of are food...
me jen jes and tracy are going out sat night...woohoo...im not to sure where to yet i think downtown...i think where gonna go downtown or something...
me and my niggas getting high high you can see in the sky sky...you might see us floating by...that song is cool...hahaha
kinky thought of the day:Dancing naked..haha
Funny thought of the day:me with green hair hahaha
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(I wish Mike was here)
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today was a sooo boring day....snooze...i got som pics back now i just gotta get them up on here...hmmm...ive got nothing to say today...
kinky thought of the day:me+zach+dark+moive=this weekend(???_)
funny thought of the day:crystals car vibrates...
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(I wish Mike was here)
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Wednesday, May 16th, 2001
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anywho....ohhh me and tracy went to wally world!! ahhhh!!hahahaha...
kyle told me he was sorry and he just needed time to cool down!! so were getting back to talking again...hmmmmm....
are these journals suppose to be deep or something??? i dont know...its just something for me to do when im bored ass hell...
muahahahaha...
crystal doesnt know how to drive...freaking crazy person!! she is going to kill us all!! run!!
kinky thought of the day:whip cream still ;)
funny thought of the day:stepping on bird shit!!haha
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(I wish Mike was here)
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im bored....blah...
certain people need to come to relize that they are nothing...like ummm...no names need to be said they know who they are...
2morrows the seniors last day...sniff sniff...no!! hahaha...whocares..the only one that i ever talk to is rohaus...
zachs bro told my bro that zach likes me!! :-D yea baby!! woohoo..just thought i would add that happy moment in...
little pot never hurt anyone!! just thought i would point that out..i know a lot of people who do it and they arent stupid...well some of them(ozzy and lardi) but there just odd...haha
me and billie are some crazy people!! we spent most of 5th hour talking about mag. clip outs..so we can decorate are notebooks...oh darn its fun
now if i could only go back to last year i would have taken the offer the preps gave me...but i was lucky enough to have them be nice to me this year...i didnt want to stay at that social class i was at last year my whole high school year..some people arent that lucky..
and to blissfulmartyr she can kiss my ass...and if she wants to start any shit to me she better think again...what she is going to do have her over weight boy toy sit on me!! ohh no!! if she trys to fuck with me she'll have my nice group of friends(tracy,crystal,jen,matt,nick,zach) on her ass...i would re-think that..
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(5 Wishes | I wish Mike was here)
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me get it me get it...muahahahaha
sorry u had to had been there it was hella funny...sigh good times..just so everyone knows thanks to mary..rohaus knows i wanna fuck him..oh darn...what a shame...me wanna lick...me wanna touch...
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(I wish Mike was here)
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zach just called he is a sweetie...he is one of those guys that come along once in blue moon...sigh
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(I wish Mike was here)
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wow i just got kicked out of school for 2 days!!yes!! the reason beacuse well i wrote this on a paper "I have no F*:)!?ing clue" well oh darn no school for 2 days...anywho
zach called me friday night and we talked for about an hour and a half!! god he is a fucking hottie! yea baby! want to touch want to lick.
I did talk to kyle last and well to come to tell you in short i told him to fuck off!! damn bastard..i dont really care..grrr..well anyways..lada all
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(I wish Mike was here)
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lildevilgirl's journal
frustrated.
sleepy.
hot.
artistic.
crazy.
high.
pissed off.
blah.
loved.